This hiatus is the worst. Wondering if there is or was or not. So tongue tied I have to proofread the final draft. We hang there in that zone between time and responsibility. The unknown slowly became known and the curiosity became intrigue. As I sat there and watched you speak I began to feel myself drifting. Drifting into that feeling of having your favorite ice cream the first day of summer. Or that feeling of putting your hands by a fire during the winter.
And every conversation we had was a reassurance of what I had known to be true. Though I am naturally reserved at heart when it comes to feelings of that exact subject matter. I was in fact aware of what was going on. Other than the occasional grin here and there the outsider wouldn’t know that I am naturally a happy person. And here I was smiling uncontrollably, my jaws begged me to take a break, but I refused.
Deeper and deeper I gazed into those eyes of yours. As if they held some great secret about myself that I didn’t know. Our conversations were enjoyable, it gave me a reason to stare at you and not be met with an abrupt “what!?”
It was always one sided in that aspect, until I felt a change in you. You began to focus on me more as I spoke. Your eyes wandering. As if you wanted to understand me more. A quick meeting of the eyes was replaced with a lingering stare. It was hard not to grin and look away once I noticed this. You noticed it also. We joked about it.
I wanted to become accustomed to you. Like the way I’m accustomed to the sky being blue. A natural feeling of certainty. Even though I enjoyed my time in a new city, somehow I knew it wouldn’t quite be the same had I had come on my own accord. Every small landmark that I came in contact with has a memory of you tied to it. Those four days. Impressionable. A great impression. Though things do come up and we are left with a stiff drink chased with a bit of responsibility. Sometimes good things come from being reckless. Hopefully the hangover isn’t too bad and the memories aren’t forgotten.
If it was up to me. They wouldn’t be.