Toxic Mistakes

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This isn’t the first time I fucked up.
Wondering what the fuck is up.
Expecting a phone call or for you to mention me in your timeline.
Part of me is glad you don’t have a Twitter handle.
Sub-tweeting about me as I buy another handle.
Jameson by myself is my gospel.
You’ll be in church tomorrow.
I’ll be gathering all my sins and putting them in a bucket.
The old me would say fuck it, but I know what I did can fester like a flesh wound.
It was hot today. Not sure when it will be 69° again in your bedroom.
Star 69 my regret and let it seep into the cocaince laced lines of my mind.
It wasn’t worth it, but that doesn’t mean shit when someone’s disappointed.
I blurred the line between having fun and being reckless.
Bought you a necklace for your birthday, but I bet it will turn into salt before that day comes.
I watched you sit there searching for words to challanege the way that I thought.
A gentle push off of a watchtower would get me to see the error of my ways.
Im known for having fun escapades, but I’m older now and for some reason I keep snapping back to the old me.
Acting like I don’t work a 9 to 5 with a 401k and benefits.
Pretending like I don’t know where the time went.
Acting like its easy to forget that my reckless years are behind me.
Doubting that my life will be fulfilling because I fucking can’t stop acting like an idiot and not spending my time wisely.
I really just need to sit my ass down and finish that app I’ve been working on.
Instead I’m always down for a night on the town instead of being down for myself.
You and I
I and you.
We.
These things are whispers in the darkest corners of my membrane.
Doubting things will be the same after today.
As intricate as our exchanged words use to be.
I’m worried that we won’t have them anymore.
And it’ll be because of me.

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