I waited for the river to reach me.
I stood there with my toes clutching at the earth.
Burying my roots into the ground.
Waiting to be watered.
The sun glaring, burning as the coils of my hair extended to the blue sky.
My skin pulsed with blood as the wind juked around the trees that surrounded me.
My breath ebbed and flowed from my soul to my lungs.
My body was it’s own organ.
A cell that belonged to a colossus of unimaginable scale.
Yet the simplicity of life is found in quiet.
Loud silences that echoed underneath my shades.
Traversing my gold plated bones.
She walks through the door with open pores.
Fresh out the shower.
Told me to give her an hour while she gets dressed.
I am stressed, no less, and I protest.
But I don’t mind.
She’s the reason why I haven’t chased my dreams even though I dream of her.
She’s the reason why my words slur.
You never hear guys talk about their toes curling, but I’ll be the first to admit that she made me do that shit the first time she drunk white wine from my wine glass.
She comes out dressed in red.
Navigates to the bed and sits down and she commences to start a conversation about what we’re doing tonight.
After a slow pause reply with ‘whatever you want. but I can offer suggestions if you’re mind isn’t made up.’
A soft touch felt on my heart as her eyes looks my way.
A grin from both of us as we decide to stay at home for the night.
So we can sit on the porch under moonlight and discuss what our dreams taste like.
Lemonade and Success
Every time you spoke my heart grew softer.
I sat in close proximity to you.
Pretending like the wounds you caused had healed.
Like I didn’t lay awake at night picking at the scabs left by your venom.
The night went on and I smiled through the plexiglass.
Glancing over towards you hoping that we would make eye contact and that you would mouth the words telling me you were sorry.
Instead I jumped through flaming hoops with absolute precision.
Laughed and conversed more than I usually do so you wouldn’t see how much your presence affected me.
For a moment I suggested to myself that I would ask if we could talk outside.
The embarrassment I already felt from how distant we were crippled any intiative that I had.
So I sat there; eating, talking, and laughing like my world hadn’t turned grey when I heard your name uttered when you arrived.
I should have left when you got there.
Made an excuse to leave.
But I stayed, wanting to speak with you again like we use to.
Felt an ache that I hadn’t felt in a long time.
Lightning stretched itself across the left side of my ribcage when you left.
And then all the pressure I felt faded away.
Just as you did.
I met a nine-tailed fox last night. It’s fur glowing through the forest and the cracks of my curiosity. It’s eyes wide; piercing. Examining my intentions as it circled around me. I entered a low stance with my right hand on the hilt of my dagger. My left palm facing the fox. It slowing walked closer, lowering it’s tails. I watch as leaves on the ground around it turned to the color of autumn. As it placed it’s nose to my palm I gripped my dagger tighter. I felt it breathe in calmly. It’s breath matching mine. My defense melted away as I stood up; releasing my hand from my dagger. The creature turned and ran away into the forest.
I look up from my phone in the direction where the remark came from followed by laughter. It’s too dark to tell so I look back at my phone. Being obtuse never got anyone anywhere, but it’s the safest way to stand on a soapbox without the risk of falling. A picture of Muhammad Ali appears on my Instagram timeline. A smile chiseled itself into the corners of my mouth. The night faded into the sky like a napkin soaking up dark blue paint. That same moldy smell sailed across my nostrils as I made my way to the bar I frequent. It had been awhile since I roamed the streets alone; Walking at a pace like I had somewhere to be. It was a ruse. Another weekend where I try my chances at meeting someone. I’m sure the chances had probably increased since they opened up that new shopping mall. The more I thought about it, the more I realized the kind of women I was interested in probably mainly shopped online. In between their video games matches they would order a summer dress and a pair of shoes that sat in their wish list.
Lighting oozing out of my pours.
As I open my mouth I also open doors.
What’s a chore to you I do in dreams with my eyes open.
Your fear left you afraid so you were forced to close them.
Rivet my pride to my back along with my cape.
I’d use it to strangle anyone that steps in my way.
Blood soaked phone case as I call my Dad to encourage him to realize that his life isn’t over.
I feel his own regret whenever we handshake.
Time doesn’t heal wounds it just creates scabs that we learn to live with.
Time frozen around our bad decisions.
The trap is when you live to forget them, but you can’t live because you’re afraid to make any more mistakes.
Life is easy.
I felt dizzy every time you closed your eyes. I had no idea why mine were opened while we were alone in this dimly lit room. We both felt the same thing, but I admired it instead of indulging. We danced that night and every color in existence bled through my mind. I think you noticed my inability to just let go. It was time for me to let you guide me. You’d been following my lead up until this point. Up until this point I knew what I was doing; Knew what was next and where we were going. You were mesmerizing and calm. It felt chaotic. But it was sublime.